Forever doesn't last too long.

I wasted my entire undergraduate years on him. I wanted to slap him, my impulses almost made me but the exasperating hurt inside of me was paralyzing. I looked him dead in the eyes as the tears slowly roll down the curves on my face. My chest tightened as if it were going to explode. Yet, my face was like a stone in a storm; strong but unbothered by the inclement weather pounding down on it. He opened his lips to provide an explanation but quickly gathered his silence. We stood in silence for what seemed like forever. I searched for questions to ask but I already knew all of the answers; there was nothing left...absolutely nothing left to say. It was painfully clear that it was finally over. I walked out the door leaving him in tow. I will never forget the look of shame on his face and I'm certain he hasn't forgotten the pain in mine.

I was shamed as well. I felt incredibly stupid for caring so much about someone who treated me so carelessly. Not only was I shame, I was angry. I put so much work into loving, supporting and encouraging him; all just for some future girls benefit. I immediately closed off my heart like a taped off crime scene. Because of Lee, I refused to allow love to confiscate my body again. It took several months before I could even function without longing for him. Every time I saw him on campus, it stung and left me basking in pain. I tried to avoid him but our friends were too closely knitted so we always ended up in the same social settings. The pain slowly subsided  but it took many years before I stopped thinking about the good times we shared; there were more good times than bad. I graduated that next year and still had a empty place in my heart from where he once resided.

A few weeks before I moved from campus he approached me. He congratulated me for being accepted into law school and wished me well. We talked about how far we'd both come. He wished me love again and offered his services in the event the next guy hurt me as he did. We hugged goodbye and as I turned to leave  he apologized for all of his stupidity. It was a sincere apology, no game or selfish gains. I forgave him; I had to. It was the only way to heal and I'd been harboring the pain long enough. He rubbed my cheek with his thumb like he use to do before our break up and for the first time since his father died,  he cried. We had something special but circumstances, immaturity and time simply were not on our side. Loving him gave me my first real lesson in love: timing is everything.

I occasionally still talk to Lee, it took him seven years before he fell in love again. He told me he wanted to make sure he never broke another girl's heart. He eventually married and made her a happy wife.

Although I had forgiven Lee,  I was very much guarded and trusted no one. I went out on casual dates but it seemed no one compared to him. So I committed myself to law school and gave up on the dating scene.  However, there is one guy worth mentioning mostly for its comedic value. His name was Jaren. He was quite an odd fellow but I admired his confidence so I went out of several dates with him.  He was socially awkward. At times he would just stare at me to a point of discomfort.

Is there something wrong? I smiled, trying not to seem annoyed.

Yes you're extremely beautiful... but don't let it go to your head.

It was these type of comments that never allowed me to take him seriously.  He was basically only around for my food and sexual appetites. The sex wasn't even amazing but just like the food,  it curved my appetite. However, he was quickly getting attached. One evening he popped up at my apartment while I was studying.

Um. I don't do pop ups...whats up?

I stood in the doorway making it obvious that he was not welcomed. 

I was on my way home and stopped by to bring you a gift.

He handed me a gift bag.

Well...in that case.  I opened the door so that he could come inside. I grabbed the bag and sat it on the table.

I wanted to get you something a little more comfortable for classes. You always get so dressed up just to go to class.

I opened the bag and poured it's contents unto the table. There laid a rainbow assortment of Hanes sweat pants and sweat shirts.

Are you kidding me? I don't dress like this

Well, I want my girl to dress like she's going to class not the club.

I pushed the clothes back in the bag and slid them back across the table. My ears began to burn as my temperature rose.

 You're there to learn not to socialize

 Who did this fool think he was?  Before I could stop myself, slick words slid out my mouth.

Listen... Because I'm only going to say this once. You don't get to dress me. You get to feed me and f@$! me. Be happy.

See...I told you my mouth was slick as a solid snow cap but my pride was much worse. I refuse to apologize even though I knew it was wrong.

Oh I see how it is.  He got up and walked out.
 As soon as the door shut I threw the  retirement gym suits on the floor behind him.  This guy was crazy, I swore to not see him again but after a week I began to feel bad so I called him. It was a decision which my body will never forget.