Straight up... no chaser

So obviously, Quinton did nothing for my ego except deflate it like an old latex birthday balloon. Perhaps this is where my drive to be successful originated. I was always praised when I tried hard and did well in school, but rejected and eventually hurt when I tried hard with guys. It is no mystery why people gravitate towards where they receive the most gratitude.

Even though Quinton had broken my heart, I was young and the best thing about being a kid is the unfailing ability to forgive. I often wonder how we as adults would manage if we lived life with the heart of a six year old. Some of the bravest people on this earth are kids. I still remember jumping head first into a pool without knowing how to swim. The fact that I almost drowned mentally paralyzed me for a bit, but before the summer was over I  was right back out there wading in the shallow end. Today, I credit that for my reason behind learning how to swim. Why can't we all live and love like a six year old? Maybe its because no one has trampled over their dreams with insults, stereotypes and bad mojo or perhaps its their naivety of knowing when they are truly being screwed. Regardless, after Quinton,  I still had hope and eventually moved on to learning the misconceptions behind the childhood fairy tale of The Frog Prince. 

Ladies we've spent way too much time getting dirty at the swamp chasing and kissing frogs all because we innocently desire that perfect mate. The feminist in me screams "Why are we subconsciously being conditioned to think true love is hidden by a disguise and why must the FEMALE chase after love in order to receive it?" Frankly, Ive never been the chasing type of chic. My pride wouldn't let me and I always believed that the man should make the first move. But even if I didn't chase them, I've kissed my share of toads too because I interpreted the story to mean my prince would come with a lot of issues. I mean toads do have spots right? 

This fallacy brought about my second faux pas: Carlton. Nope, not the Carlton you had in mind..

My Carlton was a little more artistic.

Well, artistic in a straight up gang banging, pimp leaning, gait having, dirty diaper looking- sagging pants thug kind of way.  Lets be honest here for moment, there's definitely something appealing about a bad boy, a rough neck, a guy with no fear of repercussions or consequences. This guy brings a sense of protection and badassness to the average girl but even more so to those of us without daddies. I call it the Superman effect.  Certain girls just have a need to be saved.

I dated Carlton for almost a year before his toad spots dang near costed me my life. I was so drawn in by his 6'6 stature, gorgeous smile and confident demeanor that I barely noticed how bad he was for me. Oh don't misunderstand- I  surely recognized there was a risk to dating him; especially after the night when one of his gang rivalries pulled a gun on us, but I didn't care. I actually felt safe around him as silly as that sounds and I would have probably stayed with him forever if it hadn't been for Karin.

Karin was his ex...who really wasn't his ex. Looking back I find this story quite ironic for two reasons:

1. This was my second heartbreak over a girl who's name began with the letter K

2.  A man can put a girl in a life threatening situation and she will still stay by his side but even the slightest church house mouse whisper of another female and all hell breaks loose.

When I found out I was actually being played by my Tupac wannabe I was devastated...once again.